What makes you happy? - An Introspection (#6)

Daniel Kahneman, in the book -"Thinking Fast and Slow" asks an interesting question: 

Given a chance to go on a vacation, what would you choose?

     (A) Go to a famous tourist spot, take pictures and store memories; or

     (B) Go to a resort for relaxation.

The answer to this question gives rise to an interesting conversation. His argument is that- “Just like there are TWO SYSTEMS of thinking, we seem to have TWO SELVES within ourselves.

1. The Remembering self; and
2. The Experiencing self; 

(If you are curious about the "two-selves", Click here)

This really surprised me because I never thought along those lines before. 

This implies that when I visit a famous tourist destination and take pictures, rather than appreciating and enjoying the beauty, I am actually busy in making memories hoping that sometime in the future, I will open them and feel nostalgic.

However, when I gave it a thought, I was shocked to learn that I had not opened my picture albums at all. Even during the rare times I opened, I didn't spend more than a couple of minutes. This seemed ridiculous. For the most unlikely event of a future couple of minutes, I was trading off the present moments. 

The urge to share pictures on social media (Insta/FB/WhatsApp) is even worse. I was giving a signal to people to show that I was having fun. My curiosity to know how many people saw my status and my anticipation for likes and comments is like giving the "remote control" of my happiness to others. More views and more likes make me happy and fewer views and fewer likes make me feel a tinge of sadness. 

This behaviour of mine made me ask myself some hard questions:

1.  Do I really enjoy the place I visit or the thing I do? Or Is it merely a trophy moment?
2.  Do I even have the capacity to enjoy the moment without trying to capture them? or Am I interested in only capturing it and saving it for the future?
3. Am I capturing the moments for my future self or to show them to others?
4. By uploading it to social media and looking for likes/comments, why am I giving the "remote control" of my happiness to others? 
5. Why is this urge in me to signal others and show that I am happy? Why is "showing or displaying" happiness different from "being" happy?
6. Am I deriving my happiness from the jealousy or envy of others? Is this why people show off? Is this why people wear ornaments? Is this why people wear designer clothes? Is this why people take pictures with celebrities?
7. Why am I looking for approval from others?
8. Why should I pretend to be someone/something else in the eyes of others?
9. If I cut all this fluff, what makes me genuinely happy? What is the truth?

Mission Introspect:

1. Does money make me happy?

Money by itself didn’t make me happy. But when I used it to buy freedom, it contributed to my happiness- freedom from doing mundane tasks like washing, cleaning, waiting, cooking etc. I got my hands on every machine I could afford- AC, fridge, oven, washing machine, car, bike, and so on to get rid of those boring things. When I was in India, I even pre-ordered a cooking robot. (It was not delivered yet; still in production, I guess). Also, when I was sick, I could afford the best doctor with my money.

Apart from this utility point of view, I understood that all other materialistic pursuits are useless.On one of my birthdays, I remember staying at the most expensive hotel in my city, where I ate, drank and spent time all by myself. Honestly, my state of mind was better when I was sleeping on the hard floor devoid of all the materialistic luxuries at the Vipassana Meditation Centre. It is the state of mind that matters. 

Overall, I feel money is important, but beyond a certain point, more money does not give more happiness.

2. Does Power make me happy?

No. I am a private person, and I am more interested in leading my own life the way I wanted rather than leading a group somewhere. I agree that power gives autonomy- to do what I want to do. But it is always relative; there is always someone who is more powerful. I believe that pursuing power for the sake of feeling powerful or controlling others is pointless unless I have a clear goal and I am at peace with myself.
 
3. Does my work make me happy?

No. Given a chance, I wanted to escape from work (at that time). It was repetitive and boring. 
 
4. Does spending time with my family make me happy?

Sometimes. 

It depends on my state of mind. If I spend more time with my family doing nothing, I get bored. But, some conversations with some of my family members are good.
 
5. Does spending time with friends make me happy?

Sometimes. 

Again, it depends on my state of mind. In fact, most of my meetings with friends were an escape from the day-to-day routine. It was more of a venting time. But, some conversations with some of my friends are good.

6. Does watching movies/ web series make me happy?

Sometimes.

I really enjoy watching some movies. But the more I watch, the more I get a feeling that I was wasting my time because it gets me nowhere. Watching the stories of others doesn't change my own story. 
 
7. Does playing or watching a sport make me happy?

I neither watch nor play a single sport. Once in a while, I go to the gym to be in shape, and I enjoy playing with friends for fun. But I have zero interest in watching someone play. 
 
8. Does reading a book make me happy?

Sometimes. 

I like reading books that excite me and teach something I don’t know so that I can apply them in my own life. (I leave many books in the middle.) 
 
9. Does spending time in nature make me happy?

Sometimes. 

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After introspecting for a while, I understood that I was going nowhere. I realized that if I go down this rabbit hole, I would either turn into an isolated cynic or a recluse, which potentially could make me leave the practical world.

 

Perhaps, I was asking the wrong questions. 

 

Since it is impossible to be happy all the time by interacting in the practical world, I wanted to know about the best experiences humans (by themselves) can have. I thought of maximizing these moments in my life so that I do not need to give the "remote control" of my happiness to others, at least in those moments.

 

So, I changed my questions:

 

What are the best experiences humans can have?

 

What makes me the most happy?

 

Fortunately, I found a book which answered my questions. 

I will share about it in the next post.